by DAN RALSTON Oct. 28, 2019

Miles Uplook ‘20 admits that she has never been the ‘cool athlete’ or the ‘crunchy English major’.  “I live a quiet life, and honestly until yesterday, nothing remarkable had ever happened to me,” said Uplook.  But, on October 27th, Uplook became the first student in recent Bowdoin history to go a day without any Wifi troubles.   

“I dunno,” Uplook said at a brief press conference held at Hawthorne and Longfellow Library (the conference was not broadcast because of a spotty WiFi connection). “I woke up, and all my devices just worked. I didn’t have to turn off the Wifi and then back on and turn it off and then turn it back on and then turn it off and then turn it on. It just…worked immediately,” stated Uplook. She concluded by claiming, “I was chosen.”  

While normally Michael Cato’s failure to fix the Bowdoin Wifi has only affected unimportant aspects of student’s lives—homework, responding to emails, applying for internships, etc.—some students have reported more serious concerns. In a survey created by The Harpoon, Bowdoin Men’s Lacrosse player Joe Sniffs reported, “My porn intake has really started to diminish, which is not helping my performance when I’m hanging with the boys.” 

Students are calling on Michael Cato and Bowdoin IT to fix the Wifi troubles so that students may return to their normal habits—whether they be related to sexual repression or not.