by K IRVING Feb. 14, 2020

As the semester approaches full swing and the time comes to retire nametags from desks, Professor Ludwig Fruitbat has started a new initiative on campus for students of color to keep their index cards on their desk for the entire semester. 

“I’m just really bad with names! Always have been,” Fruitbat told The Harpoon. “And that’s precisely where this initiative comes in. Really what it does is just help me remember the names of people whose names I just incidentally forget because I’m a Silly Goosey and not because I keep accidentally calling one student the name of the black student I had in class last semester. Seth, for example, I remember because I’ve had him in class before. Michael’s new, so I’ve asked him to keep his card on his desk. As simple as that!” Reports from other students in the class lead us to believe that this is Michael’s fifth consecutive semester taking a class with Professor Fruitbat.

Professor Fruitbat’s initiative has been adopted by many professors thus far. “It’s been working great for me so far,” wrote Professor Jenna Hambone in an email to the Harpoon. Hambone began trying out Fruitbat’s strategy this semester. “This way I don’t need to undergo the daunting task of matching students’ names to their faces. Except for the 66.4% of students I already know. I don’t need their nametags.”

Fruitbat told the Harpoon that next up for him is his three-point Please Add Your Polaris Picture as an Attachment on All Emails Sent to Me plan.