By CHRISTIAN FILTER Mar. 6, 2017

Local lax bro Chad Spencer, who considers himself to be an old-fashioned gentleman, asked first year Rebecca Young’s parents for their blessing on Saturday night before absolutely nailing her.

“She took me back to her room and I kind of had a feeling that I was about to crush some major puss,” commented Spencer, “so I just shot a quick text to her ‘rents asking for their blessing before I boned her. They were like, ‘Sure,’ and I was like, ‘Dope.’”

Sources have reported that Spencer sent several texts to his “boys” later that night, letting them know he was “boutta get BALLS DEEP [sic].”

Young’s parents were unavailable for comment, but multiple sources say that Spencer was seen the next day wearing his celebratory Vineyard Vines button down and backwards hat, indicating that he did, in fact, lay the pipe.