By JACK SHANE Nov. 13, 2018
After seeing the immense popularity of No Nut November across social media, a collective of campus squirrels has decided to join the hopeful masses in completing No Nut November. This effort could help control the immense, at times daunting, population of squirrels on campus.
One squirrel, who wishes to remain anonymous, noted, “This will show those dogs that always bark at us that we are not gonna take their shit any longer.” The other school of thought is a minority in the population on campus, but is articulated by Mr. Furry Butt M.D. a well-respected doctor in the squirrel community, “I’m not sure that my brethren are fully grasping the fact that we are a species that is dependent on our intake of nuts. Winter is coming and we must fill our bodies with as much fat as possible to guarantee survival. Nuts are a great source of protein and carbs.” When told that the nuts referred to in this social media craze were not those from a tree, but rather from another “woody” instrument, Mr. Butt responded, “What the fuck is wrong with the world these days.”
PETA has recently asked those squirrels participating to educate their species on the danger of puns.