by WILL HAUSMANN Jan. 29, 2019

Nearly two months after the launch of the new website, bowdoin.edu remains riddled with functionality problems. The Harpoon went to the dark, scary depths of the Coles Tower basement to do some investigative reporting on Bowdoin IT’s problems. After redirecting a group of first years looking for a party in 13C, we found the windowless enclave of Bowdoin IT.  Upon entering, we quickly noticed that IT staff was not working at all on the new source code for bowdoin.edu. Instead, their activities mainly consisted of making dongle jokes and dragging their mouses back and forth along the front page picture, absolutely mystified. A few earnest staffers were workshopping pictures to use on the front page to ensure that there would be a different picture every day for the next six years.

In a dimly lit side room, the Harpoon also observed IT workers in some sort of prayer circle. We were informed that they were making sacrificial offerings to Larry Page, hoping he would revive the dead links. So far, efforts have been futile.

When asked whether IT had any plans to address the problems with bowdoin.edu, Jordan Davis, Director of Web Services, informed the Harpoon that adding swipeable Snapchat filters to the front page picture is currently their top priority. As a secondary project, they are making sure the pages for alumni donations, paying tuition, and men’s sports are fully operational.

The Harpoon reached out to Scott Hood, Director of Communications, but he only responded with a link to a complaints form. The link was broken.