by ETHAN BENVINGTON May 1, 2019
Surprising any student who has been in a campus building during their Bowdoin career, the Bowdoin College Russian Department is seriously convinced their poster campaign is going to get more students into the department this time around. Seriously.
“This is the one that’s gonna do it,” said department chair Sofya Semyonovna Marmeldov. “We’ve been trying to get enrollment numbers up for a while now. I really thought the ‘Hack Them Back’ one would work, but it ended up just increasing enrollment in the already-overcrowded Computer Science courses.”
Marmy, as she’s known to her friends, continued, “The ‘Sex in Russian Literature’ poster has to send the numbers through the roof next fall. Fall of 2019 is going to be the semester of the land of Yeltsin!”
Students have, as always, taken note of the posters presence around campus. “I don’t know why they keep putting up these posters,” said Math major Mikey Katz. “No one in the Math Department is out there making posters that say ‘Explore the area below the curve: study integral calculus.’ That would be odd.”
Though it was challenging, the Harpoon managed to track down a Russian major. Zoe Svedka ’19, when asked about why she decided to study Russian, admitted, “I just took Intro on a whim my first semester. After that, I kept taking them because I felt bad for the professors. They kept saying things like ‘Zoe, you’re so good at Russian,’ ‘Zoe you can go so far with this,’ and ‘Zoe, we would hate it if anything bad happened to your brother.’ I’ve been around ever since.”
When approached for comment, Marmy just shouted, “мы победим этот кампус” as she hung more posters.