JASON OLARU-HAGEN

We don’t make anything anymore! Everything’s from Mexico or Africa or CHINA. We used to make things, and China would buy those things from us! It doesn’t happen like that anymore… But Trump is gonna change all that. Basically, we put a tariff on a country and they pay for it. Let’s say you wanna buy a 50 inch flat screen OLED display television from Samsung. It costs $200. If we do a 50% tariff on China, that means they pay for half of it. So you get the TV for $100! Now that Trump is President, a guy like me can get a new TV for half off! I’ve wanted a new TV for a while, and I know that millions of good, god-fearing Americans want the same things that I want. Trump’s gonna give it to us, and we’re gonna love it!

The damn liberals keep saying that’s not how it works. They say that China won’t pay for the tariff. They say that WE are gonna pay. But that doesn’t make sense! The tariff is on CHINA, not on ME. I own a used car dealership that’s half an hour outside Cincinnati. If Trump put a 30% tariff on the cars I sell, then I have to pay for 30% of the car because that’s how tariffs work. But Trump is not going to put tariffs on hard-working Americans like me, he’s going to put them on Mexico and China fellas. If Mexico’s not gonna pay for the wall, the least they can do is buy me a TV!

My liberal son, who’s studying gender in college, says that President Trump asked ChatGPT to calculate the tariffs. That’s a bunch of bullshit, because I saw on Twitter that they actually used a super fancy math equation that is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. They used the RIGHT equation because Trump is a business GENIUS! He went to Wharton! That sounds really smart! And guess what? Business is all about CUTTING COSTS. About being EFFICIENT! That is why I know that Trump’s tariffs are going to make everything cheaper and better and more awesome.