MATTHEW STEIN
Now, if you have an iPhone 15 Pro or iPhone 16, you have the option to generate your own custom emojis using Apple Generative AI. These AI emojis, called genmojis, are the cutest thing to hit the internet since puppy gifs! The Harpoon staff and I compiled this list of prompts to generate the absolute most adorable genmojis to send to your special someone, friends, or family members this Valentine’s Day.
Continue reading “Top 5 Genmojis to Send to Your Valentine”BY NOAH SAPERSTEIN
A few weekends ago, Epicuria, one of the only annual parties on campus, probably went down somewhere in a poorly lit basement with meh music. But I don’t really know the details because I didn’t go. Yeah, I thought about going. I hemmed and hawed over it, but in the end, I just didn’t know if it was really what I wanted to do.
Continue reading “I Think I Might Be Epicurious”
by JASON OLARU-HAGEN | Oct 31st, 2023
After years of dominance on the Bowdoin frat-adjacent party scene, Yellow has fallen into despair and disrepair. Despite its legacy of totally lit ragers, zero Bowdoin teams or clubs expressed interest in renting the home, especially after feeling the hardwood floor bend under their weight. To be fair, Yellow hadn’t been in its best condition for some time, and a spot in the house was no longer coveted among the football team’s players. Whatever the cause, the landlord of Yellow now had to find a way to generate revenue from a house that, due to an overwhelming number of wall punches, was no longer structurally sound.
Months of preparation later, the “House of Collegiate Horrors” was announced and advertised to Brunswick residents ahead of Halloween. For you see, Yellow had long been home to the raunchiest Bowdoin functions. Away from the prying eyes of Bowdoin Security, events took place that would make the attendees of a party in Coleman basement faint in shock. The intellectual, personal, and social demands of a school like Bowdoin are heavy, and many find their release on a weekend night. Fortunately for the landlord of Yellow, these tales of debauchery could be turned into fat money stacks. See those mold lines on the ceiling? They were the heritage of dozens, if not hundreds, of uncontrolled beer shotguns. That hole in the wall was excavated the night Trinity beat us 40-7, and an o-lineman got his hands on a lot of Fireball. Those shattered windows were the result of a bizarre drinking game involving a baseball bat and cans of Twisted Tea.
This menagerie of depravity will only be open for visitors on Halloween, so make sure to book ahead. Tickets are already being bought up by guys who watched The Wolf of Wall Street and liked it a little too much, so don’t delay!
by ZACH CARLSON | February 20th, 2023
Noise-Canceling Headphones ($230 at Best Buy)— Have you ever had a night where you stumble across a particularly arousing Sesame Street fanfic but your roommate just refuses to leave the room? This gift solves your issues, because it allows you to masturbate, loudly, in your room without your fucking prude roommate being able to hear you.
The Bible (Priceless… $18 at Barnes & Noble)— If you regard yourself as a person of faith and find that your roommate is a sinner, consider buying them a Bible. This holiday season, what better way is there to spread holiday cheer than saving your roommate from eternal damnation?
An Extra Set of Sheets ($30 at Target)— I don’t know about you, but I have to sexile my roommate all the time. If you’re also plagued with charm and good looks, I suggest buying an extra set of sheets, so your roommate can comfortably sleep on the couch while you’re getting it on with your floormate. Maybe throw in a pillow and a blanket if you’re feeling generous.
That Manifesto You’ve Been Writing Every Time You’re On Cocaine (at least $10 for ink and paper)— This one is a no brainer. Why spend hundreds of hours detailing the problems you see with the world and your particularly violent plans for solving them if you never let anyone read this masterpiece? Pro-tip: leave out the parts about your roommate unless you want things to get really awkward.
Some Friends ($20 an hour)— If you have a roommate who is just a complete fucking loser, consider hiring some actors to pretend to be friends with them. This will get them out of your hair for at least a few days (or until you run out of money). These are actually pretty easy to buy, just put an ad in the Student Digest.
Weed (I have no clue how much weed costs, I don’t do drugs)— We all have that one roommate who is just way too uptight all the time. If you give them some weed maybe they’ll finally chill and stop getting on your ass about that smell coming from under your bed even though you’ve told them a thousand times that it was like that when you got there.
The Bowdoin Harpoon 