by RITZ BORDIA | Jan 25th, 2024
After a season-long struggle with ice-covered slopes, the Bowdoin Alpine Ski Team has taken matters into their own hands—or rather, their own snow machines. The decision to manufacture their winter wonderland came to fruition during their weekly Thursday night Bolos trip, where the team gathered to discuss the dire need for a more traditional skiing experience.
“We were tired of pretending we were auditioning for a figure skating competition every time we hit the slopes,” remarked a team captain with a twirl and triple axel on the metaphorical ice they have been dealing with. “It was time to bring back the fluffy white stuff that makes skiing, well, skiing.”
Armed with determination and a singular STEM major, the team embarked on a mission to create the perfect snow. The concoction has been affectionately named “Powder-on-the-Go” by its members and is quickly spreading across the campus.
“We’re basically pioneers of the snow frontier,” said the closest thing to a scientist the team has (an EOS major). “Since they go to a safety school, the Colby Ski Club may have given up, but not us Bears!”
Due to an unfortunate YikYak leak, this special “Powder-on-the-Go” recipe has been released. Doing my due diligence, and in an effort of transparency, I have provided this recipe but have been told I am not legally allowed to tell you the exact proportions (but, hint, just, like, go look at YikYak).
Ingredients:
- Coca leaves (preferably from the Andes)
- Gasoline (obviously)
- Sulfuric Acid
- Potassium Permanganate (what?)
- Sodium Carbonate (for that Fizz)
- Acetone (for the smell)
- Hydrochloric acid
- Water (stay hydrated!)
- Baking Soda
- A sprinkle of fairy dust (apparently, the team has their own fairy farm)
Recipe:
- Soak the coca leaves in gasoline for exactly 3 hours. No more, no less
- Drain the gasoline
- Add sulfuric acid to the mix
- Add potassium permanganate and water. If your mixture is purple, you’re on the right track
- Strain the mixture and add the sodium carbonate
- Add acetone and let that shit evaporate. Your snow should now be sticky and almost perfect
- Dissolve in hydrochloric acid
- Add some more water and the baking soda, and make that Fizz (I lied; it was not from the sodium carbonate)
- Filter, add your fairy dust, and you will be left with the perfect snow
- Go snor- I mean, ski!
With love,
A Bowdoin ski and ride member
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