Tag: Satire

The Unfolding Of Divine Knowledge and Power Unbecoming to a Man Such as Myself — Part 3.5: Party Communication

BY MATTHEW STEIN

Matthew Stein: How many times have you attended a party and been disappointed when the next song is by an artist that you don’t really like? If you are like me, this has happened countless times over the years. Even in different countries this is true. 

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You’re Not on the Smith Union Wall — And It’s Because You’re Ugly

BY ISA FERNANDEZ

Smith Union: the perfect place to realize you missed the mailroom hours and play a round of ping pong instead of writing your research paper. We all love walking by the photo wall and seeing our friends posed for the perfect Bowdoin advertisement. But you may be wondering,“why haven’t I been on the wall?” The Bowdoin photographer is hard to miss, given how often they snipe the lone spikeball game on the quad or random group of POC friends doing work in HL. Maybe your friend group isn’t diverse enough. Maybe you weren’t wearing enough Bowdoin merch at the Colby game. 

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I Think I Might Be Epicurious

BY NOAH SAPERSTEIN

A few weekends ago, Epicuria, one of the only annual parties on campus, probably went down somewhere in a poorly lit basement with meh music. But I don’t really know the details because I didn’t go. Yeah, I thought about going. I hemmed and hawed over it, but in the end, I just didn’t know if it was really what I wanted to do.

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Day After Election, A Solemn Nate Hintze Debuts Boring, Beige Khakis

BY NOAH SAPERSTEIN

The results of the election two weeks ago had serious effects on many people on campus. Some wore black, others skipped class, and most seemed generally dejected. Perhaps no one had a harder time with the results than Nate Hintze, head of student activities. On Wednesday, credible sources said that he was wearing regular, normal tan khaki pants.

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What to Expect With Okta Pheromone Check 2.1.3

BY THE HARPOON TECH COUNCIL

Bowdoin Information Technology is excited to announce a groundbreaking update to your account security this November: 2FAxPC99a9-Compliant Pheromone Authentication, which will replace our current Okta login system. Read on to find out the details of OPC 2.1.3.. 

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Opinion: Little Saigon in Brunswick is Actually so Much Smaller than the Real Saigon 

BY HENRY STACK

Little Saigon is the destination for many Bowdoin students on Saturday nights. It is an intimate setting. The windows fog up during the winter, on warm summer nights the owners string up lights and put tables out on the sidewalk. It is a bustling restaurant and deservingly–Little Saigon has won “Best Vietnamese Restaurant in Mid-Coast Maine”  two of the last five years, and recently, Little Saigon made headlines in the Orient for their addition of Green Curry to the classic menu.

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Lackluster College House Party Empty Enough to Dance, Breathe Properly, Create Genuine Connections

BY SPENCER SUSSMAN

First-years and sophomores flocked to Baxter house last Friday expecting all the hallmarks of an epic college house rager: booze, bumping music, and being uncomfortably shoved from behind by a large and terrifying man.

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Bowdoin Conservatives Vote 2-1 to Bar Women From Joining Club

Yesterday, Bowdoin Conservatives announced the results of their recent referendum on whether or not female students would be permitted to join the club. With 100% of members voting, the total votes were two for and one against permanently banning women.

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Dumbest Person on Campus Proudly Wears “You Belong At Bowdoin” Merch

By Spencer Sussman

First-Year Tim Jones, widely considered the stupidest student on campus, was spotted proudly sporting a “You Belong at Bowdoin” crewneck last Thursday. “I just think everyone should feel like they totally belong here, both socially and academically,” said Jones, who is generally regarded by the student body as both a social outcast and academically incompetent.  

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An Ode to the New York Synagogue Tunnels

by STAFF WRITER  | Feb 2nd, 2024

As a young Jewish boy growing up in New York City, there were many places throughout the city that served as cultural landmarks for my religious identity. My synagogue blocks away from our apartment. The 2nd Ave Deli where we would frequent on weekends. The tunnel beneath the Chabad-Lubavitch global headquarters in Crown Heights. 

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