We don’t make anything anymore! Everything’s from Mexico or Africa or CHINA. We used to make things, and China would buy those things from us! It doesn’t happen like that anymore… But Trump is gonna change all that. Basically, we put a tariff on a country and they pay for it. Let’s say you wanna buy a 50 inch flat screen OLED display television from Samsung. It costs $200. If we do a 50% tariff on China, that means they pay for half of it. So you get the TV for $100! Now that Trump is President, a guy like me can get a new TV for half off! I’ve wanted a new TV for a while, and I know that millions of good, god-fearing Americans want the same things that I want. Trump’s gonna give it to us, and we’re gonna love it!
Continue reading “Trump Tariffs Make Everything Cheaper and Better and More Awesome”Category: World
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a recent memo from the White House, President Donald Trump has ordered what little is left of the EPA to start “killing baby birds and poisoning tributaries” starting next Wednesday.
Continue reading “Donald Trump Orders EPA To Kill Baby Birds, Poison Tributaries”Over the last year, students across the country have made calls for their colleges and universities to divest from companies with financial ties to Israel. Bowdoin College is no stranger to these debates.
Continue reading “Bowdoin Divests from Everything”
- Pee in the Hungarian Mushroom Soup
- Pee in the Seafood Chowder
- Pee in the Curry Pumpkin Bisque (V)
- Pee in the Lentil Soup (VE)
- Pee in the Potato Leek Soup (V)
- Pee in the Three Bean Chilli
- Pee in the Four Bean Chilli
- Pee in the French Onion Soup
- Pee in the Gulf of Maine Fish Chowder
- Pee in the Cream of Chicken Soup
Jedi textualism, the interpretative approach which focuses on close observance of the Jedi Code, cemented itself as the dominant mode of Jedi engagement throughout the late Clone Wars. The Jedi textualist approach, which became particularly popular within populist Alderaanian system and Republican Naboo parsec, was propagated primarily through the doctrine of Jedi Grand Master Yoda. Yoda’s prodigal rise through the Jedi order among peers like Plo Koon, Yaddle, Pra-Tre Veter, Brandon Nimmo, Yarael Poof, Isaac Okoro, Oppo Rancisis, Mace Windu, Julius Randle, Tera Sinube, Cohmac Vitusm, and Sifo-Dyas, was unprecedented in galactic history and can be attributed to his strict adherence to mystical doctrine as it was written during the Dawn of the Jedi.
Continue reading “Opinion: Yoda’s strict Jedi textualism bolstered the rise of anti-republican sentiment among the Umbarans, leading to Vader’s rise”BY TAVI GREENFIELD
When I got to Bowdoin last year, all anyone was talking about was Evan G. They put up posters with his face all over the place, organized runs for him, and held talks discussing his “detainment”. With all this support on campus, it seemed like this guy must have been going through hell. But my mama didn’t raise a sheep, and being the independent, free-thinking journalist I am, I decided to do my own research and see how brave this Evan G guy actually was. So, back in July, I did a quick directory search and reached out to Evan Grauer ‘26 with some questions. These were his answers:
Continue reading “Evan G On His Time Overseas”
by STAFF WRITER | Feb 2nd, 2024
As a young Jewish boy growing up in New York City, there were many places throughout the city that served as cultural landmarks for my religious identity. My synagogue blocks away from our apartment. The 2nd Ave Deli where we would frequent on weekends. The tunnel beneath the Chabad-Lubavitch global headquarters in Crown Heights.
Continue reading “An Ode to the New York Synagogue Tunnels”
by STAFF WRITER | Feb 8th, 2024
Valentine’s Day is stressful for single students; you haven’t talked to your marriage pact since last semester, your campus crush would just be a hail mary, and Bax basement isn’t exactly the place to find love. Most end up spending the Day with their single peers, but this February, Bowdoin’s lesbian population is taking a more resourceful approach. Conveniently, Bowdoin is home to more than one population of mullets and Blundstones. That’s right—those struggling with the female demographic are opting for the next best thing: BOC men.
“Sometimes I can’t even tell the difference,” said one first-year, blaming the common BOC wardrobe of short-sleeve button-down shirts and cargo pants. “Honestly, I’ve accidentally hit on them a few times in the College Houses.” The two groups also conveniently have overlapping interests; our sources report spotting the new “couples” bouldering, working on their Subarus, and comparing Nalgene stickers.
But soon enough, they will come to terms with reality. A few shared vegetarian meals may ease the pain of a lonely Valentine’s Day, but BOC men will never replace the real thing. Nonetheless, we at the Harpoon hope this serves as a reminder that we’re more alike than we think. Lesbians, if you see a BOC man around campus, give him a tip of your five-panel hat. And we’re sure he’ll tip his back.
by STAFF WRITER | Feb 1st, 2024
By one of the thirty women you know who just got back from their semester in Europe
Last semester, I studied abroad in [insert bougie country here], and here are some things I absolutely did not miss about Bowdoin:
- The shockingly dry chicken at the dining halls
- Paying $7.89 for a head of lettuce at Hannaford if I decide to cook at home
- Opening Grubhub and getting two options (that being Watami and… no that’s actually it, right?)
- Getting catcalled by the teenagers of the Brunswick High School in their dad’s pick up truck while I’m walking down South street
- Seeing NARPs wearing shorts in 20 degree weather. Bonus points if it’s a man on the swim team with shaven legs.
- Getting kicked out of an HL study room at 7pm by a math major who claims to have reserved it for the next 5 hours
- Bowdoin computer updates every other day
- The Orient
- Walking into class and seeing that one guy who speaks exactly like ChatGPT would if it was a real person, or that one girl who raises her hand to answer every question with random buzzwords she learned on TikTok
- Dropping a class because I’m too dumb for it, then joining a new one only to learn that the professor is the “king of cold calls”
- Ripping Celsius to the point where I feel like I’ve just smoked crack, but really I just have a pile of homework bigger than the average econ professor’s ego
- Mud season
- Long line at the mail center
- Getting yelled at in the mail center to have my student ID ready when it’s literally in my hand
- Finally getting a biweekly paycheck from working a student job on campus only for it to be like $80
- Working so hard on an assignment just to get a B-
There are, however, some things I did actually miss about Bowdoin:
- Once, I saw a 65 year old man at the beach wearing nothing but a thong, and I just feel like that would never happen at Bowdoin. I didn’t even study abroad in France.
- Wearing sweatpants wherever I want while still remaining a part of the norm
- Cheap drinks at Thursday night Bolos
- The Harpoon
by HOLLY LYNE October 8, 2019
BREAKING NEWS: From an undisclosed whistleblower in New York City, the Harpoon has been informed 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg was spotted drinking a Frappuccino out of a plastic cup and straw. Thunberg allegedly enjoyed her grande vanilla bean coffee while leaving the UN Climate Summit on September 23, where she reminded Republican politicians that driving cars is a dirty joke, but sailing across the ocean is woke.
Continue reading “Climate Activist Greta Thunberg Spotted Using Plastic Straw”
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