BRUNSWICK— On January 22, William Hardwood, Associate Director of the Office of Safety and Security, issued a winter weather advisory cautioning students to prepare for an incoming storm. By nightfall, fifteen inches of snow blanketed campus. For many members of the Bowdoin community–and a slew of BOC members eager to prove just how down-to-earth they truly are (despite the Upper West Side apartment concealed beneath a spotless Arc’teryx jacket and brand-new Bean boots)–the storm ushered in a flurry of performative snow forts, snow angels, and perilous treks to the dining hall. . For others, it offered a socially acceptable excuse to lie motionless in bed watching Heated Rivalry.

But for one group, the snowfall carried deeper significance.

Thrilled to see the white snow covering what one member called the quad’s “usual visual brown clutter,” the Bowdoin Conservatives, long known for their commitment to tradition, hierarchy, and obnoxiousness, were quick to seize the moment. Several were seen pacing the quad, gazing proudly at the ground.

“Winters are supposed to be white,” said one member, squinting. “I mean, no one’s dreaming of a Black Christmas, right?”

Bowdoin College Conservatives’ enthusiasm for a white campus extends beyond just the passive admiration of winter into active campaigning. While Student Activities denied the group’s request to form a Kharlie Kirk Klub, they nonetheless encouraged the student body to participate in a “white-out” at the recent Bowdoin–Colby hockey game. Though attendees arrived in white T-shirts and various forms of campus merchandise, the Conservatives still declared the event a success.

“They wore white,” said a spokesperson. “Not really what we meant, but oh well.”

On campus, though, the snow remained a true symbol of hope. For them, Bowdoin’s snow-covered campus represents a future where white people can frolic freely, unburdened by “political correctness.” A clean institution devoted to tradition, order, and a carefully edited version of history. 

By their standards, it was looking better already. We will follow up with the group again once the snow melts, likely sooner than expected due to the climate change they so vehemently deny happening.