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50ish Things to Do Before You Graduate

September 2025

  1. Rollback DEI in your friend group 
  2. Feel unwelcome in Buck basement
  3. Act like you’re better than your friends for not going abroad.
  4. Get stuck in your hammock and emerge a beautiful butterfly come spring. 
  5. Set up a camera on the quad for the first snow
  6. Write an OpEd for the Orient that no one will read or care about
  7. Write an article for the Harpoon that’s so offensive it causes someone else to write an OpEd for the Orient that people actually do read and care about
  8. Join club basketball and get rimmed in multiple ways
  9. Prolong your inevitable demise
  10. Bong rip in the Chapel 
  11. Get recircumcised
  12. Lose yourself spiritually but also to the music
  13. Regrout the Osher 1st bathroom
  14. Bring balance to the force
  15. Lick every surface of Bax basement
  16. Give up on the dream
  17. Meet with Balkan shaman Sßövdn in the Albanian Alps and realize that the dream is still alive 
  18. Mow down 3 first years on their way to Thorne with your bike 
  19. Destroy the sith 
  20. Lose your virginity to Broccoli by DRAM ft. Lil Yachty
  21. Lose your virginity to a broccoli 
  22. Try every chutney. Life’s too short.
  23. Change your sheets
  24. Use your influence as the BSG First Year Rep to bring back COVID mandates
  25. Be at home in all lands and all ages
  26. Start beef with a vegetarian
  27. Become the ultimate authority on the circumcision debate
  28. Debate the ethics of circumcision with visiting philosophy professor Max DuBoff
  29. Enroll in the United MileagePlus program
  30. Earn platinum status on United Airlines
  31. Apply for the United Explorer Card
  32. Bong rip in the Chapel
  33. Serve your country
  34. Protest discrimination against Christians
  35. Spend the night in every first year brick
  36. Be the first Christian to sing the national anthem at the Bowdoin Colby hockey game
  37. Be the first Christian to join ultimate frisbee
  38. Be the first Christian to join an a Capella group
  39. Apple air tag your professor’s spouse
  40. Name a woman
  41. Bong rip in the Chapel
  42. Gut the Green New Deal
  43. Split a 5×5 U-Haul unit with 10 of your closest friends
  44. Take another crack at that Res Life Union, maybe it’ll be different this time!
  45. Be the person at the party to accidentally turn on the lights
  46. Lie to security while completely plastered 
  47. Actually marry your Marriage Pact 
  48. Count Nature a familiar acquaintance, and Art an intimate friend
  49. Take a piss in the lemonade at Lobster Bake
  50. Swing off the jumping bridge
  51. Join the Harpoon!

All, Bowdoin, Miscellaneous

Bowdoin Appoints Dean of Dean of Dean of Students 

On Tuesday, President Zaki announced that Bowdoin would be creating a new and important position at the college: the Dean of Dean of Dean of Students. In her email, President Zaki explained that “this position will help our Dean of Dean of Students supply specific and broad support to the Dean of Students.”

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All, Bowdoin, Miscellaneous, U.S.

I Had Phone Sex With My Alumni Connection 

After a year of telling my parents that my Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies major would lead to job prospects it was finally time to tap into the illustrious Bowdoin alumni network at Sophomore Bootcamp. I immediately felt out of place as my finance bro friends regaled me with stories of snorting lines and doing time in minimum security prisons with their alumni connections. I felt lost, searching for a connection that would appreciate feminist literature as much as I do (6’ 3” btw). 

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All, Bowdoin, Maine, U.S.

Burnett House Replaced With Giant Pile of Sand

In a surprising turn of events, Burnett House has been replaced with a giant pile of sand. The pile is about 35 feet tall, and around 7000 square feet, essentially replicating the exact dimensions of Burnett House but in sand. It’s like if the house had never existed and instead there was just a house-sized pile of sand, but no one could live in it and it no longer had a dumpster where I could throw out the trash from my off-campus house.

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All, Bowdoin

Massive Nerds Defeat Average Nerds to Win Pub Trivia

At last week’s pub trivia battle, a formidable group of five massive nerds easily defeated all the pathetic average nerds to claim the pub trivia title. The winning group of massive nerds, who go by team name ‘Making it Trivial’, displayed impressive knowledge of U.S. presidents, African world capitals, and the Olympic Games, while the teams composed of average nerds had friends and hobbies in high school. 

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All, Bowdoin

Study Shows The Best Way to Get Laid Is Wearing Your Class Hoodie

New data from a psych student’s honors project has illuminated interesting statistics about campus sex trends. The survey, which had a record high 0.8% response rate, asked students to disclose details about their most recent sexual encounters. Participants shared what outfit they were wearing, what music they were listening to, what they ate for dinner, and what building they were in when they were solicited for sex.

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All, Holiday, Miscellaneous

Top 5 Genmojis to Send to Your Valentine

Now, if you have an iPhone 15 Pro or iPhone 16, you have the option to generate your own custom emojis using Apple Generative AI. These AI emojis, called genmojis, are the cutest thing to hit the internet since puppy gifs! The Harpoon staff and I compiled this list of prompts to generate the absolute most adorable genmojis to send to your special someone, friends, or family members this Valentine’s Day.

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