by HOLLY LYNE Nov. 4, 2019
In a statement released during their November 1 press conference, Bowdoin Dining announced: “In observance of the celebration of No Nut November, we will remove almond milk and all other nut milks from Moulton and Thorne. We will not serve nut milks to students until December.”
Continue reading “No Nut Milk November: Almond Milk Banned From Campus Dining Halls”
by STUDENT AUTHOR Oct. 30, 2019
This morning, senior Mark P. Ullout was on the receiving end of a miracle in the middle of Thorne Dining Hall—in a turn of events that Ullout called “a gift from Yahweh Himself,” the athlete was able to successfully avoid interacting with the female student he was inside of this past Saturday evening. Thankful to have evaded the consequences of his questionable drunken decisions, Ullout described a scene that he claimed was nearly “a complete and utter fucking nightmare.” The self-described “athletic star,” who received an astounding 17 minutes and 32 seconds of playing time this past season, shocked Harpoon reporters with his descriptions of his traumatizing close call.
Continue reading “Close Call! Jock Narrowly Avoids Eye Contact with Girl He Was Inside of Last Weekend”
by DAN RALSTON Oct. 28, 2019
Miles Uplook ‘20 admits that she has never been the ‘cool athlete’ or the ‘crunchy English major’. “I live a quiet life, and honestly until yesterday, nothing remarkable had ever happened to me,” said Uplook. But, on October 27th, Uplook became the first student in recent Bowdoin history to go a day without any Wifi troubles.
Continue reading “Bowdoin Student Goes Entire Day Without Wifi Trouble”
by JACOB BASKES October 9, 2019
On Wednesday morning, the student-run Bowdoin Entertainment Board announced new “campus celebrity” playlists to improve its interactions with the student body. This week’s featured guest is President Clayton Rose, whose top picks include Travis Scott’s “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” and Post Malone’s “Sunflower”.
Continue reading “President Rose’s Spotify Playlist Features Travis Scott, Post Malone”
by HADLEY JEVON Oct. 7, 2019
Many candidates for BSG positions promise cheaper laundry and more Gucci Mane in college house basements. First year Gretta Yump, on the other hand, went above and beyond in her efforts to make Bowdoin a more welcoming environment by advocating for more elevated surfaces for students to dance on.
Continue reading “Student runs for BSG on platform of platforms: More elevated surfaces on which students can dance”
by LIA KORNMEHL Oct. 2, 2019
No one was surprised when, after a few moments of grunting, pushing, and eye rolling, Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry concerning President Donald Trump’s call with the Ukrainian president.
by JACOB BASKES Sep. 30, 2019
As part of its semesterly Library Party, the staff of the Hawthorne-Lonfellow Library and other libraries on campus invited emotional support children to give students a “well-needed study break” yesterday.
Continue reading “Emotional Support Children Brought to Calm Students in HL”
by GRACE CARRIER Sep. 23, 2019
As the third week of college came to a close, students finally saw the bright, shining faces of prospies around campus. Yet as the Admissions Office recruited new polar bears, the rest of us had to suffer through a Dry Weekend™️.
Continue reading “First Year Realizes That He Has No Real Friends During Dry Weekend”
by WILL HAUSMANN Sep. 23, 2019
Bowdoin College and the Brunswick Fire Department partnered last Wednesday to host a demonstratively smoky and less demonstrative demonstration fire on the Coe Quad. While the fire’s biggest success was asphyxiating everyone in Moore trying to sleep through their 11:40 class, most students seemed nonplussed by the fire, expecting something bigger, hotter, and more fiery. Luckily for the College, the fire “accidentally” engulfed Dudley Coe, a building that had been slated for demolition in 2020.
The Bowdoin Harpoon 