By CHRISTIAN FILTER Jan, 29, 2018
Multiple sources have reported that the only thing preventing the first floor of Maine Hall from completely falling apart is the 22nd season of The Bachelor.
This season of ABC’s hit romance reality series features Arie Luyendyk Jr., the thirty-six year old returning for his second shot at love, as the eligible bachelor. Continue reading “Newest Season of the Bachelor Only Thing Keeping Freshman Floor Together”
By AINE LAWLOR Jan. 26, 2018
Chegg is providing students with much more than books this Spring semester.
The textbook rental and online study service is sending free samples of Red Bull and Tide laundry pods along with book orders to students across the country this semester. Many — YouTubers and ‘social influencers’ especially — are rejoicing. Continue reading “Chegg Sends Tasty Snacks With Book Orders”
By SEBASTIAN HERNANDEZ Jan. 24, 2018
After an estrangement of 15 years, 42-year-old dad and part-time Rick Moranis impersonator Willard Isaacson offered an olive branch to 16-year-old daughter and full-time asshole Kimberly Isaacson by agreeing that “dads suck.” Continue reading “Insecure Dad Reconnects with Angsty Daughter, Both Agree Dads Suck”
By SUMMERS ASKEW Jan. 22, 2018
Students return from winter break this week as classes resume for the Spring semester.
For some, the return comes after a five-week Netflix binge, avoiding everyone from high school at their local Target and pretending they’ll have enough time when they get back to school to find an internship. Continue reading “Students Back from Abroad Return to “Shithole Country””
By DANIEL RALSTON Dec. 14, 2017
As winter break approaches, college students are getting ready to head home. Visiting home is a great time for students to spend time with family, revisit high school romantic relationships, and above all, brag about the amazing time they are having at college.
Continue reading “First-Year Pumped to Tell Friends At Home He’s Having the Best Time at College”
By JACOB BASKES Dec. 13, 2017
Ahead of finals week, the College has been urging students to work in groups of three or more to fulfill its vision for the “Bowdoin Experience”.
Continue reading “College Encourages Group Work During Breeding Period”
By SANDRO COCITO Dec. 12, 2017
A liberal witch hunt is being directed at GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore, and it shows liberal HYPOCRISY at its finest. The respected former Alabama judge is being absolutely hounded for his taste in women, which is frankly just hypocritical coming from the party of TRANSGENDER BATHROOMS and TAXES. Continue reading “Heartwarming! Southern Gentleman Roy Moore Goes Door-to-Door Introducing Himself to New Neighborhood”
By ARCHER THOMAS Dec. 10, 2017
For almost everybody, Christmas is about giving. Everybody, that is, except the Jolly Old Elf himself, St. Nicolas, who recently declared in an op-ed in the North Pole Journal that “fiscal responsibility is the greatest gift one can receive” and that bloated holiday spending has turned low-income children into “welfare ho-ho-hoes.” Continue reading “Trickle-Down Santa Gives Shittier Gifts to Poor Kids”
By LIAM JUSKEVICE Dec. 4, 2017
The first-years who came into Bowdoin thinking that they had unique and exotic tastes in music have just had to face the cold truth: everyone else gets those Spotify recommendations, too. Continue reading “First Years Disappointed to Learn Their Music Tastes Aren’t Unique”
By ETHAN BEVINGTON Nov. 27, 2017
Having spent all his Polar Points on buffalo chicken wraps, Henry McGowan ‘19 has taken out a home equity loan on his Brunswick Apartment.
“I didn’t want things to end up like this,” said McGowan. “I thought going to the Pub would just be a once-a-week kind of thing, but the dining menus just weren’t doing it for me and here we are.” Continue reading “Student Takes Out Loan on Brunswick Apartment to Pay for Pub”
The Bowdoin Harpoon 