By ARCHER THOMAS Dec. 10, 2017
For almost everybody, Christmas is about giving. Everybody, that is, except the Jolly Old Elf himself, St. Nicolas, who recently declared in an op-ed in the North Pole Journal that “fiscal responsibility is the greatest gift one can receive” and that bloated holiday spending has turned low-income children into “welfare ho-ho-hoes.” Continue reading “Trickle-Down Santa Gives Shittier Gifts to Poor Kids”
By LIAM JUSKEVICE Dec. 4, 2017
The first-years who came into Bowdoin thinking that they had unique and exotic tastes in music have just had to face the cold truth: everyone else gets those Spotify recommendations, too. Continue reading “First Years Disappointed to Learn Their Music Tastes Aren’t Unique”
By ETHAN BEVINGTON Nov. 27, 2017
Having spent all his Polar Points on buffalo chicken wraps, Henry McGowan ‘19 has taken out a home equity loan on his Brunswick Apartment.
“I didn’t want things to end up like this,” said McGowan. “I thought going to the Pub would just be a once-a-week kind of thing, but the dining menus just weren’t doing it for me and here we are.” Continue reading “Student Takes Out Loan on Brunswick Apartment to Pay for Pub”
By JACK REED | Nov. 21, 2017
It’s that time of the year again! Leaves have fallen, clocks have turned back, and first-year Floridians bracing the cold have submitted their transfer applications to colleges in the South. In other words, it’s November, and with November’s advent comes many students’ favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. Continue reading “Student Cannot Muster Courage to Correct Family Members’ Pronunciation of “Bow-Doyne””
By DAN RALSTON Nov. 19, 2017
Bowdoin College first year Tola Stihs browned out last weekend. The following is a timeline of the evening’s events pieced together by friends and loved ones of the student. Continue reading “Student Takes Laxative, Browns Out”
By ELIZA JEVON Nov. 17, 2017
On October 31st, the men of the Bowdoin Outing Club collectively shaved their entire bodies to start anew for “No-Shave November.” Since then, the entire drainage system has been clogged, and no one has been able to flush, wash their hands, or take a shower. Continue reading “Plumbing Emergency: Drains Overwhelmed as BOC Men Prep for No-Shave November”
By AINE LAWLOR Nov. 16, 2017
First-year Jake Bern was unable to locate his mailbox in Smith Union on Wednesday following the campus-wide email update. He was seen wandering around Smith, peering under tables, claiming his mother sent him a care package. Continue reading “First-Year Can’t Find Smith Union Mailbox After IT Update”
By ETHAN BEVINGTON Nov. 15, 2017
Following another round of mass shootings, Congressional Republicans bit the bullet and made their stance on gun control clear by literally shooting down a proposed gun control bill with an AR-15. Continue reading “Republicans Shoot Down Proposal on Gun Control”
By ELIZA JEVON Nov. 14, 2017
When Super Senior Jeremy Winston walked out of his Maine polling station on Wednesday, a sticker glistened on his chest. He had voted. He has served his country. Continue reading “Super Senior Realizes Shouldn’t Have Hooked up with First-Year Girl When He Asks Her Why She Didn’t Vote”
By SAM HALPERT Nov. 13, 2017
Recent reports indicate that local man Peter Franzen has made the active choice to abstain from sexual intercourse until divorce. Continue reading “Man Saving Himself for Divorce”
The Bowdoin Harpoon 